I tend to skip the Super Bowl every year (unless the Cowboys
make it…I weep in shame I really do) even though the only good reason to watch it in days past was for the commercials, but even those get shown well before the big event so
they lose their special status right away. Aside from a bunch of high-priced roid-babies
and enough rules to stretch out an hour-long game to 6 days worth of call-this
and ref-review that, the only other highlight, I guess, is the halftime show. Super Bowl
XXV started the NFL's need for pop bands to perform in the middle of an
adrenaline-fueled game (before that it was marching bands) which is as big of
an oxymoron as you can get. Seriously? The New Kids On The Block? DURING
FOOTBALL? To me football calls for something either hardcore country or at
least a bit more metal, but that’s just me. Since that disastrous failure in both
judgment and sanity the only time any performance has even been worth it was during
XXXVI when U2 did “WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME”, and I’m not even a FAN!
Sadly, the tradition continued at Super Bowl XLVII when they
put one of the most talentless hacks on the planet, Beyoncé, on display. I
could care less about the world’s love affair with her and whatever backlash
this may cause, this is my opinion and one that I’m sure is shared on different
levels (both minor and extreme) by many others so you better get ready to strap
on some knee pads, put on some lip balm and slather my sphincter with kisses. She
only exists because her dad forced the earliest versions of the group down
people’s throats after they failed on STAR SEARCH. Then when they turned into
DESTINY’S CHILD, how many producers did it take to make that first album? Eighteen
people, count them, 18… 1…8. AC/DC on average had maybe two producers on each
album. Queen had an average of one or two producers along with themselves
taking a measure of control on each album. You can look up the amount of people
involved in any given album, whether producing or writing, and is it just me or
is it that when there are a smaller number of cooks in the kitchen, the songs
taste much better. This is a pattern that she gleefully carried over into her
singles career once she got rid of the far more talented ‘dead weight’; clearly,
she can’t handle things either on her own or at least with one other person.
I’ve never been able to stand her, definitely not as a
singer. I mean seriously, in ‘SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT)’ the lyric “if you
liked it, then you should have put a ring on it” is repeated at LEAST 18 times!
Waitasecond there…I’ve seen that number before…that must be one time PER
producer. I now see her genius! No, it took four people to write…did I just
write that? It took four people to write that song? FOUR PEOPLE and they
repeated the same lyric eighteen times? Freddie Mercury wrote (key word 'wrote') ‘BOHEMIAN
RHAPSODY’ by himself and the number of times any lyric is repeated is
acceptable throughout the course of any given good song. Bohemian has been
around since 1975 and was initially bashed by critics, but over the years has
gained such a level of respect that almost anyone can pick up anywhere in the
song and know right where they are, how far in and how much is left and STILL
act like Wayne and Garth. Can’t say that for most songs these days, especially
not by little Mrs. Hack.
Anyways, yes I dislike her singing, and don’t even get me started
on her attempts at acting. I know the AUSTIN POWERS series is not CITIZEN KANE,
but she was without a doubt the absolutely worst part of GOLDMEMBER. She couldn’t
act her way out of a paper bag, on its side, with a huge rip down the middle
and people holding it open for her with runway lights. But I digress and we should get back to the
Super Bowl and yet another reason why I find this vapid waste of human sperm to
be even more of a nuisance to the fabric of the universe. By now I’m sure that you’ve
all seen the picture which I have included with this article, one of many that Beyoncé’s
publicists has tried desperately to remove from the web because it is “unflattering”
to her Royal Highness. That right there is a two-sided act of stupidity.
- First, trying to remove ANYTHING from the internet is like watching a retard hump a doorknob. Funny to watch, but ultimately very sad.
- Secondly, her publicist wouldn’t have done that without a direct order.
That’s right. Little Miss Perfect no doubt saw the screen-grabs and became furious…oh, I forgot… “fierce” and wanted them taken down. Why,
because it shows how truly ugly you can look? Women for ages have mastered the
art of looking good no matter what (except during an orgasm…no one looks less
than inbred while in the throes of a screamer) and clearly she has not mastered
even the simplest of facial expressions. Her vanity comes out and she sent a
poor sap into their email system to contact websites and “request” that they be
taken down immediately. To Buzzfeed and other sites that gave her the finger, I
say kudos for not giving in and keeping them up. Any peg that can be knocked out
from under her sorry, talentless ass is another peg saved from humiliation.
Even the Elephant Man wasn’t a diva and demanded pictures of himself be removed
from the world at large. Maybe Little Miss Pretty could take a lesson or two
from Joseph Merrick. Given the choice, I'd fuck Merrick.
Beyoncé is a prime example of what is wrong with the music industry
and celebrities in general. She can’t sing, she can’t act, her dancing looks
like some poor epileptic spider monkey was just given fifteen doses of caffeine
AND she can’t stand to look at pictures of herself when she’s the one who put
herself out there like that. Vanity works for some people, and others it just
shows the world how shallow and ugly they truly are.
Know what I just thought? If that’s how she looks when she
climaxes…with as dog-ass ugly as Jay Z is…dear God that has to be one of the
most traumatic sex scenes this side of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE.
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