Thursday, February 21, 2013

BATMAN, GTA & OZZY DIDN’T DO IT



Normally one of my WEEKLY BITCHING entries would be filled with links to articles, pictures, videos, whatever. Today is a little different as this entry is going to be based entirely on simple, basic logic than on the “stated facts” from various media sources. The facts you cna look up for yourself in this entry as that is what you should do anyways, but I digress. Adam Lanza is once again in the news because of a speculated desire to top the actions of Anders Behring Breivik, the man responsible for more than 70 deaths in a mass rampage in Norway back in 2011. Whether based on truth or not, people who dabble in mass-murder are more than likely in some level of competition in order to make a name for themselves based on the number, not the victims.

Part of that speculation included what this article is going to be about; in the CNN article a one-sentence paragraph pops up: “The same officials also linked Lanza's actions to violent video games.”

Here we go again. Placing the blame on something other than the suspect’s own actions and/or mental state is nothing new. It’s the traditional “go-to” and “fall-back” for parents, the media and society when tragic things like this occur. Simply put; the human mind cannot comprehend that someone is capable of such actions so there must be an external reason for it. Suicide and mass-murder just CANNOT come from within, no, it must be someone else’s fault and they are to blame. Conspiracy theorists love this stuff and spread their “findings” like a seagull with explosive diarrhea, coving everything in their watery path.

Let’s look at what the conspiracy theorists blame on both Sandy Hook and James Eagan Holmes’ Aurora movie massacre: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. One of the stupidest causes I saw was that there was a building in the film with 'AURORA' on it and that was the subliminal trigger for the massacre. Incorrect. The building was actually in SKYFALL, which hadn’t even been remotely released at the time of the theater massacre (SKYFALL was released in America on November 9, 2012). So that one fails just on the reality of a little thing we call a ‘calendar’ alone. Yet people still blame the film for subliminally triggering his actions. How?

LOGIC POINT - RELEASE DATE: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES had its world premiere on July 16, 2013 and then a wide release in America on July 20, 2013 (the day of the shooting). Holmes had been preparing for this long before that, scouting out the theater, stockpiling weapons and body armor. He had also booby-trapped his apartment, which shows that he had been planning the whole affair long in advance. He had done various other actions prior (gun and armor purchases in May through July), contacted a filmmaker about a film with a vigilante, gun-toting Batman…it’s all out there for you to read and educate yourselves on instead of blindly believing the conspiracy nuts out there like Alex Jones.

LOGIC = 1 / NUTS = 0

Then there comes the now infamous Sandy Hook link. For a brief moment during the preparations Jim Gordon and his team are undertaking to stop Bane there is an “attack zone map” that has an area labeled as ‘Sandy Hook’.

LOGIC POINT - SANDY HOOK: Let’s see, apart from ‘Sandy Hook’ being the identifier of a certain landmass formation, it’s also the name of several towns in America and Canada:

  • Sandy Hook, Connecticut
  • Sandy Hook, Kentucky
  • Sandy Hook, Maryland
  • Sandy Hook, Mississippi
  • Sandy Hook, Virginia
  • Sandy Hook, Wisconsin
  • Sandy Hook, Missouri
  • Sandy Hook, Ontario
  • Sandy Hook, District of Sechelt, British Columbia

If the Sandy Hook map reference was going to trigger sleeper agents to start killing people, why weren’t any of these other places attacked?

LOGIC=2 / NUTS=0

Now video games are coming under fire once again. An ever popular attack dummy for the masses, and yet here’s where logic destroys their basis that video games are training our youth to become killing machines.

LOGIC POINT - PHYSICS: 1st person shooters and series like GRAND THEFT AUTO do use guns as part of their arsenals available to the players, this is something that is fact. These games also implement repercussions on the players’ actions (AI retaliations, police actions, etc) so these types of games do show the player that there is always a moral and legal downside to going on a rampage. These games also don’t do what they are readily accused of: they operate under a vacuum, not real-world physics. A real gun has recoil, something that a controller or a mouse doesn’t come with or emulate in a realistic manner. Things like wind, gravity, the curvature of the earth, also affect the trajectory of a bullet. Bullets in a video game fly straight without any hindrance whatsoever (aside from objects in the player’s path, but even then sometimes the code breaks and bullets fly through walls). Games are not training grounds for killers.

LOGIC=3 / NUTS=0

All of these things are the byproduct of another attack on the entertainment industry that dates back DECADES: the subliminal attack by the artists themselves.

LOGIC POINT-MATH: In 1985 a teenager killed himself and Ozzy Osbourne’s song ‘SUICIDE SOLUTION’ was blamed (a song about alchohol being much more preferable than offing yourself). Also in 1985 two men killed themselves because Judas Priest supposedly told them too in the song ‘BETTER BY YOU, BETTER THAN ME’. Now, I’m no math wizard but if either of these two cases had any basis in reality, then that would make ZERO business sense. Artists rely on the public to buy their stuff. If one person picks up an album for $10, likes it and then tells two of their friends about it, those two go out and by the album ($30 already). Those two tell two people each, that’s $70 sold, and the numbers increase geometrically from there. To kill of any one of those sales leads to massive financial loss down the road.

LOGIC=4 / NUTS=0

To blame anything in the entertainment industry on the incomprehensible actions of the few is, well, inconceivable. One has to look at the person, their actions leading up to it, their home life, their mental health, etc. Numerous factors have to be taken into account, and accountability has to be taken for actions and inactions leading up to the event. Parents no longer care about their child’s activities and take practically no interest in becoming a part of their lives. Parents, when faced with the media notice on their child’s actions, realize how out-of-touch they were with their own and look around to see what they can deflect the attention towards. So, inevitably, they walk into their kids’ rooms and start the finger pointing. The same goes when adults do something stupid, the media points to what they were in to or the conspiracy nuts come out and look at anything, whether the person was into it or not, and point the finger.

Mental health is a serious matter and pointing the finger in the wrong direction doesn’t fix a fucking thing. Gun control isn’t the answer either. If someone wants to do something bad enough, and he or she doesn’t have access to one ‘toy’, you can best believe they’ll find something bigger and far worse to carry out their plans. Does the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma ring a bell?

Quit pointing fingers and blaming movies, games and music and start HELPING people that you see suffering. Logic is dying, yes, but it still wins and you still lose.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

AND ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST



So, folks, she finally succeeded. Good for her, everyone should succeed at something no matter how many times they fail at it. Eventually you’ll get it right, and the world (at large or at small) will take notice. Nevertheless, yes it’s extremely tragic and sad that someone chooses to go this route, ending their life instead of seeking true help for their emotional and mental problems. It doesn’t matter if it’s your next-door neighbor or someone who sold over 2 million copies of their first album, suicide is never an answer to a question. It’s more like the sledgehammer of a period that has no place in the sentence, and one that no one likes to see or deal with.

Yet everyone saw this coming, even Ray Charles and HE'S DEAD. I mean let’s face it; it’s not as if this was Mindy McCready’s first try at the rodeo. In 2005 she tried not once, but TWICE to end her life alone. Her 2002 comeback-attempt album, MINDY MCCREADY, had received so-so reviews and didn’t really set the world back ablaze like her debut had 6 years prior. Her world had been spiraling downward and her life choices didn’t help matters none. Some can’t handle the celebrity, and others just can’t seem to hold it together when the world is no longer pounding down their door. Also that same year her and her boyfriend got into a fight that resulted in him choking her out…and yet they got back together AND she let him knock her up? SERIOUSLY?

I’m sorry folks and I already know that this is going to sound über-insensitve but every word is absolutely 100% true and you can’t deny any of it. If you are willing to go back to the man (or woman…let’s face it some of you women out there are downright vicious little monkeys) who beat you nearly to death, you’re literally asking for it. I don’t know what went wrong in your life or your head leading up to such a decision, but to go back into the gates of hell after what should have been a glaring wake-up call, well I’m sorry but any sympathy you had going into it went right out the window.

Also, here’s where any sympathy I would have had for her would have been further handicapped: she tried killing herself while she was pregnant. Why? To get back at him for something new that he had done? Who knows, but the second attempt would have meant the life of a baby in the process. Oh, and she tried again in 2008, which would have orphaned her child as well. Way to go! She kept trying.

Her last album, I’M STILL HERE…now I’m not a fan of hers by any stretch of the imagination but a title like that is almost condescending. As though she’s saying, “Hey, remember me, the headcase that’s in the news for trying to kill herself?” Released after her stint on a reality rehab show (definition of oxymoron in three words), which by the way has more deaths and relapse stories than any true successes, it is also a way for her to try and say that she’s made it through a lot of shit in her life. Once again it didn’t set the world ablaze and would be her last album. Unless of course she’s Tupac and has some more stuff that has yet to be released. If so then at least her poor kids will have some income for a bit.

Oh, and for the record, there is no such thing as a GOOD celebrity porn video. Period.

There were arrest warrants, assault charges, an OD in 2010 (let’s face it, any OD when a celebrity is involved is at least 80% of the time a suicide attempt), and all sorts of trouble that this poor girl brought about in her life. And 2013 just was not her year. Her boyfriend died of an apparent “self-inflicted gunshot wound” on January 13, 2013, not long after apparently he had been cheating on her (allegedly). I'm sorry but a massive rumor like that followed by one half dying of “suicide” can only reek of suspicion. Moreover, her killing herself not long after, on February 17, 2013, pretty much ended any possible investigation of her involvement, if any. Another tragic end that will lead to record sales going up, downloads increasing, and a tragic biopic no doubt already being shuttled into pre-production.

Predictably the celebrities come out feeling sorry for her and not being able to believe that she had come to such a tragic ending. What a bunch of fucking hypocrites. Where were any of them when she needed help? Minding their own business, that’s where. It seems they only come out when “one of their own” dies, one way or another.

On the plus side, though, she has contributed to the ideal country song by shooting her dog.

Monday, February 11, 2013

BEYONCÉ'S NATURALLY UGLY

I tend to skip the Super Bowl every year (unless the Cowboys make it…I weep in shame I really do) even though the only good reason to watch it in days past was for the commercials, but even those get shown well before the big event so they lose their special status right away. Aside from a bunch of high-priced roid-babies and enough rules to stretch out an hour-long game to 6 days worth of call-this and ref-review that, the only other highlight, I guess, is the halftime show. Super Bowl XXV started the NFL's need for pop bands to perform in the middle of an adrenaline-fueled game (before that it was marching bands) which is as big of an oxymoron as you can get. Seriously? The New Kids On The Block? DURING FOOTBALL? To me football calls for something either hardcore country or at least a bit more metal, but that’s just me. Since that disastrous failure in both judgment and sanity the only time any performance has even been worth it was during XXXVI when U2 did “WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME”, and I’m not even a FAN!

Sadly, the tradition continued at Super Bowl XLVII when they put one of the most talentless hacks on the planet, Beyoncé, on display. I could care less about the world’s love affair with her and whatever backlash this may cause, this is my opinion and one that I’m sure is shared on different levels (both minor and extreme) by many others so you better get ready to strap on some knee pads, put on some lip balm and slather my sphincter with kisses. She only exists because her dad forced the earliest versions of the group down people’s throats after they failed on STAR SEARCH. Then when they turned into DESTINY’S CHILD, how many producers did it take to make that first album? Eighteen people, count them, 18… 1…8. AC/DC on average had maybe two producers on each album. Queen had an average of one or two producers along with themselves taking a measure of control on each album. You can look up the amount of people involved in any given album, whether producing or writing, and is it just me or is it that when there are a smaller number of cooks in the kitchen, the songs taste much better. This is a pattern that she gleefully carried over into her singles career once she got rid of the far more talented ‘dead weight’; clearly, she can’t handle things either on her own or at least with one other person.

I’ve never been able to stand her, definitely not as a singer. I mean seriously, in ‘SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT)’ the lyricif you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it” is repeated at LEAST 18 times! Waitasecond there…I’ve seen that number before…that must be one time PER producer. I now see her genius! No, it took four people to write…did I just write that? It took four people to write that song? FOUR PEOPLE and they repeated the same lyric eighteen times? Freddie Mercury wrote (key word 'wrote') ‘BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY’ by himself and the number of times any lyric is repeated is acceptable throughout the course of any given good song. Bohemian has been around since 1975 and was initially bashed by critics, but over the years has gained such a level of respect that almost anyone can pick up anywhere in the song and know right where they are, how far in and how much is left and STILL act like Wayne and Garth. Can’t say that for most songs these days, especially not by little Mrs. Hack.

Anyways, yes I dislike her singing, and don’t even get me started on her attempts at acting. I know the AUSTIN POWERS series is not CITIZEN KANE, but she was without a doubt the absolutely worst part of GOLDMEMBER. She couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag, on its side, with a huge rip down the middle and people holding it open for her with runway lights. But I digress and we should get back to the Super Bowl and yet another reason why I find this vapid waste of human sperm to be even more of a nuisance to the fabric of the universe. By now I’m sure that you’ve all seen the picture which I have included with this article, one of many that Beyoncé’s publicists has tried desperately to remove from the web because it is “unflattering” to her Royal Highness. That right there is a two-sided act of stupidity.

  1. First, trying to remove ANYTHING from the internet is like watching a retard hump a doorknob. Funny to watch, but ultimately very sad.
  2. Secondly, her publicist wouldn’t have done that without a direct order.
That’s right. Little Miss Perfect no doubt saw the screen-grabs and became furious…oh, I forgot… “fierce” and wanted them taken down. Why, because it shows how truly ugly you can look? Women for ages have mastered the art of looking good no matter what (except during an orgasm…no one looks less than inbred while in the throes of a screamer) and clearly she has not mastered even the simplest of facial expressions. Her vanity comes out and she sent a poor sap into their email system to contact websites and “request” that they be taken down immediately. To Buzzfeed and other sites that gave her the finger, I say kudos for not giving in and keeping them up. Any peg that can be knocked out from under her sorry, talentless ass is another peg saved from humiliation. Even the Elephant Man wasn’t a diva and demanded pictures of himself be removed from the world at large. Maybe Little Miss Pretty could take a lesson or two from Joseph Merrick. Given the choice, I'd fuck Merrick.

Beyoncé is a prime example of what is wrong with the music industry and celebrities in general. She can’t sing, she can’t act, her dancing looks like some poor epileptic spider monkey was just given fifteen doses of caffeine AND she can’t stand to look at pictures of herself when she’s the one who put herself out there like that. Vanity works for some people, and others it just shows the world how shallow and ugly they truly are.

Know what I just thought? If that’s how she looks when she climaxes…with as dog-ass ugly as Jay Z is…dear God that has to be one of the most traumatic sex scenes this side of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

FAT BOTTOM GIRLS

Movie critics have always humorously infuriated me. Once in a blue moon they may get it right and the movie they recommend doesn’t wind up sucking huge sweaty donkey balls, but those occasions are few and far between. Typically they praise a turd, and bash a diamond, and usually hold films up to wrong standards (you do not send someone to a horror movie that holds GONE WITH THE WIND on a pedestal, you just don’t). I tend to read them not to make up my mind as to what I’m going to spend money on, but more out of a desire to see just what they’re going to say and if I can spot the ones who shouldn’t have even bothered with viewing outside of their comfort zone.

Then comes February 5, 2012 and Rex Reed made the headlines not so much for his review of the new film IDENTITY THIEF (which I have not seen as of this writing, but plan to) but for what he had to say about the lead actress, Melissa McCarthy. My wife and I watch her every Monday on MIKE & MOLLY and find her to be a positive breath of fresh air in terms of portraying a woman of size in a comedic light. Until that series I had not seen anything else she was in, so going into this article I did some IMDBing of her career and she’s been pretty busy. Granted I haven’t seen anything else that she’s done aside from her role as Molly and Megan in BRIDESMAIDS. I’m left wondering, though, what did she ever do to him to warrant what he faithfully committed to the written word about her?

In one, long drawn out scathing paragraph he referred to Melissa as “cacophonous, tractor-sized”, a “humongous creep” and even stooped so low as to call her a “female hippo”. Clearly he doesn’t know as much as he claims to about her when he then called her a “gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success”. Most critics are well aware of an actors’ body of work, but clearly not in this case as she has been acting in film and television since around 1997. I’m no good at math but I do believe that’s about 16 years in the business. The bulk of those years was spent as a series regular on GILMORE GIRLS (something I steered clear of, but apparently earned quite a ton of awards and nominations). And let’s not forget her Emmy for MIKE & MOLLY and even her Academy Award nomination for her scene-stealing character ‘Megan’ in Bridesmaids. See that? ACADEMY AWARD. Clearly she’s done something right in order to even get nominated.

This rant isn’t going to be about me defending a movie which I have or have not seen, or even Melissa for that matter, but ultimately me putting in my two-cents worth of defense for BBWs. Women of all shapes and sizes have enough mental image issues with their size, and us men have never made it easy on them. For the most part we’re the ones who put out magazines with size-0 women and call that ‘sexy’ or ‘beautiful’ or ‘the norm’. We are the producers who 9.99 times out of 10 put a skinny ‘beauty’ in the lead on a television show or a big-screen movie. Men are the ones who have pretty much driven women to the point where they binge and purge or spend thousands of dollars on needless surgeries just to meet some sickening ideal vision of what a woman should look like to please a man.

That is something I’ve never understood. People are not that stupid…wait…yeah they are. It’s like people who drink like fish or smoke like chimneys. They know what the damage is going to be. They’ve seen the results of what such acts do to vital organs and to the body as a whole, and still they subject themselves to such destructive behaviors. The same goes for women who strive to look like what they feel every man alive wants to see. I’m sorry but, to quote and old friend, if while fucking from behind I reach around and wanted to feel ribs then I’d be better of being a Catholic priest. I should feel sorry for these women, but if you’re going to sacrifice your life to attract a man, then you get whatever you got coming to you. No man alive is worth wasting away to nothing.

But sometimes we’re also the ones who paint full-figured women, publish pornographic magazines about them (PLUMPERS was my first go-to spank-mag about them), and even sing songs about them. Be honest, when you’re driving along and ‘Fat Bottom Girls’ comes on, do you or do you not crank the volume up as loud as you can get it and even find yourself singing along? You know you do and don’t bother denying it. Contrary to what the media would have you firmly believe, there is a majority of men worldwide (and growing) who would much rather have a woman with some meat on their bones and opposed to bones. We’re the types who go out of our way to make these women feel good about themselves, no matter how big they are (well…I say that but like everything else in life there are ‘lines’), and show them how much we find them appealing and desirable.

And yes there are those of us who just want to spray them down with nut-sauce, let’s not beat around the bush there.

Rex Reed, the old pedophile-looking creepazoid that he is, is an example of the former type of male, the one who (if he is into women) is bound and determined to set the fight back a few years. Melissa McCarthy has gone on record about how she feels about her size but she’s clearly not letting it get her down. But, apparently Rex makes a career out of sticking his dick in his own ass (he’s also disguises his racism through food references), whether out of a complete and total obliviousness afforded to the senile, or out of some dying need for attention from those he feels he is no longer worthy to be listed alongside. Well, if it’s attention he wants he sure as fuck got it, but not what I am certain he was hoping for. Oh yeah, major kudos go out to Hollywood for coming out in defense of one of your own. Where were you when Whitney needed you, though?

Will he apologize for his choice of words, either to his ‘loyal readers’ or to Melissa? I very seriously doubt it. If he does then it’ll be a goddamn Christmas miracle. But then again why should he? We as men have yet to come together and formally apologize for the damage our ‘vision’ has caused to countless women.